Coffee and Thoughts on My 20's

It's 5:39 am. I am high off of two coffee's, a few pitbull songs, and at this point, the thought of getting to watch the sunrise. I just pulled an all-nighter studying for a math exam. I wanted to take a break from the books for a minute though to enjoy some quiet writing time.

I've been feeling so emotionally unstable lately. I blame it on the ball of confusion that is my life right now. My birthday is in three months and I have no clue where I am going with my life or what I am supposed to be doing. When I anticipated going to college, I feel like I had more direction and focus in my life. Ever since I came to the conclusion that I did not want to owe the government student loan money, I've been faced with the harsh reality that there is no easy way to make a buck.

I know I want to be a writer. It only makes sense. It is the one thing I've learned how to do that i've opted to do in my leisure time not out of boredom, but almost out of necessity. It soothes me. It helps me organize and re-evaluate my thoughts. It also helps me to communicate my thoughts in a way I couldn't deliver as precisely through speech.

I am under the impression that God's plan involves me writing behind The Curly Anomaly blog, but some days I am not so certain. Some days I feel like I am missing a mark with The Curly Anomaly. It's too easy for me to lose sight of its purpose. Part of me feels that could be because God hasn't quite revealed what the purpose is just yet. Another part of me wonders if I am wasting my time.

Other than the blog, things just don't feel aligned. Say it's due to the stigma society has attached to the 20's age group, but I feel like I just don't have it together like I should. I thought by now I'd be in a completely different place (quite literally) in my life. I thought i'd be taking trips, working towards getting my apartment, driving myself around town, and establishing myself.

Instead, I am licenseless, leaching off of my parents cash, still semi-drowning in the remains of high school work that has nothing to do with where I want to go in life, a homebody by circumstance, and a little more than disappointed with the lack of a writing career I have been able to grow effectively while at home.

Wow. I just realized how depressing all of that sounded.

I don't spend my days lately fighting tears, but these thoughts have been floating around in my mind. Because they require answers I haven't been able to acquire, they linger.

To put a more positive spin on things, I've been placing these thoughts in my prayers. I may not understand now, but i'm confident that the day is fast approaching when I will.